Stupid Games

The other day a bag of knock-off (Sam's brand) Jelly Belly beans appeared at my house (dunno who bought them) but a cardinal sin was committed! The bag, which contained the list of what each bean was flavorwise, was tossed. Being bored, I tried to figure out what each bean was.


Da beans!

Starting from the upper left and going to the end of each row, here goes:

1. Cherry. Though to be fair, this should be called "Robitussin". Ugh. The worst part was the fact that these were by far and away the most plentiful in the bag. Mediocre at best, unless you're a big fan of the Tussin.

2. Strawberry. A little fruity, but not too bad. This was an easy one.

3. Wow, I dunno. It's a little fruity, but not really. Bubble gum? Maybe?

4. Grape. Though it honestly tastes more like grape jelly. Now all I need is a peanut butter bean and a couple bread-flavored beans and I'd be set.

5. Now this tastes like cherry again. Not like Robitussin Cherry, but like cherry. Why do we need two flavors of cherry? Or maybe it's Raspberry? I think they all taste the same to me. Whatever.

6. Tangerine. Remember Orange Julius? Damn, I love the hell out of those things, but we haven't had them in Tallahassee for over a decade. These beans taste exactly like an Orange Julius. And all this damned talk of an Orange Julius makes me really want an Orange Julius. A really big one. Shit.

7. Blueberry. This was probably the easiest call of the bunch so far. Very good, a tasty bean.

8. Butterscotch. Riiiight. Why a butterscotch bean? Pretty mediocre in flavor, if you ask me. I'll stick to the butterscotch Life Savers. Or Butter Rum or whatever they call them. So if they have Butterscotch and Butter Rum, do they make Butter Whiskey or Butter Tequila? Ugh, that sounds terrible, to tell the truth.

9. Apple. Tastes just like a candy apple, very appropriate for October.

10. No freaking clue. It tastes like fruit, and not at all like blue. So I'm stumped.

11. Orange. To tell the truth, this tastes more like orange juice than the fruit proper. Not bad, but nowhere near as good as the tangerine beans.

12. Cinnamon. To easy to tell. This bean's spicy and definitely has the strongest flavor of a bean so far.

13. Coconut. I personally love coconut, and these are delicious. Can't get enough of these, you know.

14. The dreaded black bean. We'll skip this for now and come back to this later.

15. Root beer! Didn't see this coming. I figured a chocolate bean or something. Good flavor though.

16. Huh? This tastes exactly like the grape jelly bean. Maybe my tongue is broken.

17. Watermelon. A familiar, distinct flavor. Easy to pick out, good bean.

18. Buttered popcorn. Now, I never understood the buttered popcorn jelly bean. The whole concept of it is just never quite made sense to me. A traditionally sweet foodstuff that tries to taste like a salty foodstuff? Why?

19. Pear. Pear's my favorite fruit, so this is a welcomed taste. Pretty tasty bean, good stuff.

20. Pear again? Sure, why not! Though this tastes more like the Life Saver variety of pear.

21. This tastes like a mediocre lemon-lime flavor. Never been huge on lemon-lime to tell the truth. Maybe in Mountain Dew, that's about it.

22. Tutti Frutti? It's pretty sweet, with a light fruity taste. I dunno.

23. This tastes like a pear (again) but this time a lot more flavorful. "Juicy" pear. I'd call this one my personal favorite, the ol' green with brown specs. I picked these all out first and ate them.

24. Cotton candy? All I taste is sugar, kinda like that cotton candy gum that BubbleYum makes. That stuff is incredible, by the way.

25. Yeah, I've got no freaking clue. I'm gonna go with "Glucose" as the flavor here.

26. Banana. This tastes exactly like the banana flavor you get in Runts. Decent stuff.

27. Peach? This tastes like those gummi peach rings, but not as good.

28. I'm gonna guess Capuccino, only because of the coffee-like aftertaste. Very sweet.

29. Marshmallow. I know real Jelly Bellies have a flavor called "Toasted Marshmallow", but these honestly taste more like cereal marshmallows. Like they're straight out of a box of Lucky Charms.

So with all the other flavors out of the way, we revisit that dreaded black bean, #14.

14. Licorice. Ugh. The thing I hate the most about licorace is that it just absolutely dominates over the taste of any combination of beans. If you grab 5 beans to eat, and one's a licorice, all you freaking taste is licorice. So I decide to take one for the team and I pick out every single one of these...and eat them all at once. 17 of them. My tongue honestly went numb and I cried on the inside. To soothe the pain my tongue and tastebuds were in, I pulled out all the Juicy Pears and Tangerines and ate them too.

Good waste of an hour or so, I suppose.