So High, So Far Off The Ground

The latest craze sweeping me and seemingly all of my friends is Scrubs. I've watched the first three seasons now and have the fourth season all queued up for me. I really can't say how much I love the whole Bittorrent/Xbox Media Center setup that lets me catch up on all the shows I've missed. Grey's Anatomy season 1, the current season of Family Guy (I miss the new ones cause I work 16 hours every Sunday), the ABC miniseries Empire, and when you couple that setup with the TiVo I really can dictate what I want to watch whenever I want to watch it. I've gotten hella spoiled. Watching live TV is torture, all those commercials.

Work was interesting on Sunday. A 25-year-old drowned for what I think is the dumbest reason ever. Apparently the guy and his two friends were in a pool and decided to have a breath-holding contest. My only question is, what in the hell is wrong with the friends? How do you not notice your bud ISN'T COMING UP? How do you not freak the hell out, call 911, and get his ass out of the pool? A sad, stupid death. An unnecessary one. That's the kind of thing that makes me the most angry at work - when things happen that don't need to happen. Heart attacks, strokes - that kind of shit you can't prevent. They're gonna happen. But a diabetic who knowingly drinks 3 Mountain Dews and goes into a hyperglycemic shock? Or a drunk frat boy who tries to jump over a campfire and gets about 75% across? That stuff just makes you shake your head. You can't save them all, and it's frustrating as hell.

Two of the odder moments Sunday involved me escorting somebody to a mental health facility and me coming face to face with some illicit drugs. A woman came in with a self-inflicted throat laceration - she missed the major vessels and the airway, but left herself with one hideous gash across the throat. Because she was perceived to be a threat, the Behavioral Health Center (our off-site psychiatric ward) made the odd request of having a medic accompany security in the transport of the patient. I got tapped for the job because I was the most responsible, and conveniently I was also the strongest (she was a big lady). So we drove across the way to the psych center, and I escorted her through the halls. I'd never been to a mental health facility before, and it was a fairly interesting experience. Locks everywhere. It was quiet when I was there at 2am, but I could imagine the place being a fairly interesting place in the daylight hours.

The other odd moment came when I got begrudgingly stationed out at triage for the last hour or so of my shift. Two college aged males came in, one of them looked high as hell. His buddy fills out one of the sign-in forms and tells me "Dude, my friend ate some mushrooms and he isn't feeling well" to which I explain to him that's what's supposed to happen when you take drugs - you get messed up. He then reaches into his pocket and pulls out this big bag of mushrooms and slaps them on the desk in front of me. Now what in the hell are you supposed to do in a situation like that? When somebody just gives you drugs in a public place - what the hell? Why even bring them? I told the charge nurse who decided that TPD shouldn't be dragged out here for something so stupid, so I told the guys to just "lose them, flush them, get them out of my sight - I don't want to know where they are or where they went." But seriously, bringing the drugs with you? Why risk the chance that we get pissed off and call the cops? People are dumb.

I tried playing a few games of Cricket 2005 on my Xbox and proceeded to get the everliving shit kicked out of me. I was the Australian national team and I played a club team from Namibia, and after 10 overs of pitching was down 195-0 with 3 wickets gone. [For Americans who have no idea how that silly game is scored: I was getting my ass absolutely destroyed. I was the best team on the planet getting killed by scrubs. That's like the Yankees losing 15-0 to Central Michigan's college team. That's like the New England Patriots losing 65-0 in football to the Northwestern Wildcats.] I tried my hand then with Rugby 2005, and got similar results. I think I'll stick to baseball and football.

Speaking of football, I'm depressed. I need football. I fired up NCAA 06 on the Xbox and that first game - it made me feel empty. Walking into the stadium, hearing "The White and Gold" blaring, seeing the (pixellated) fans lining Bobby Dodd Stadium, watching the gold-domed players run onto the field - I miss football season. I also miss home games at Tech, waking up on Saturday mornings, getting all ready for the games. If I end up at Emory Med, you can bet your ass I'll be a season ticket holder (assuming I'm not on rotations or something).

I've started studying for the MCAT that I'm gonna take in April. After a practice test, it's clear that the biological sciences are my weak point - which is to be expected as I haven't had any organic chemistry yet. My MCAT schedule might get pushed back if I can't get the classes I need in the fall though, and that could really suck.

I live my life fairly free of regrets, but I do have two big ones. The first is letting myself get so unhealthy and out of shape, and I've been working on that. Eating better, actually exercising - I'm down about 30 pounds from what I weighed a year ago, but I didn't really try as hard as I have been lately. My goal is 250, so I've got a ways to go (currently I'm around 315).

The other big regret revolves around my inability to cope with a situation from three years ago, and my childish way of trying to cope - I lashed out. It's difficult when the two people you held most important in your life find a way to excise the need for your presence in the equation of things - when for so long you were the bridge between the two and they realized that you weren't necessary. If you missed it, a pretty big thing happened here the other day. A three year long silence was broken. A lot has changed in three years, and it's amazing the amount of growing-up I've done in that time period, but maybe I'm finally on the right path to mending one of the biggest regrets in my life. Sorry it took three years to finally act like a man and not a child.

This is long overdue:

Katy and Chris, I'm sorry.

Memoriam

Bob Dylan once said "take care of your memories, for you cannot relive them."

Isn't it funny what types of things set off memories? And isn't it odd how sometimes two of the most random things become so inexplicably intertwined in your mind that you can't possibly think of one thing without thinking of the other?

For me, the one thing that tend to associate with more memories than anything else is music - certain songs instantly remind me of some time, some place, or someone in my life. It's nice, actually. I can't really think of any songs offhand that I've subconsciously linked to bad or painful times in my life, but that's a good thing. Bad memories are worth having because they make you appreciate the good times and teach you things about your past, but good memories are the only ones you ever really want to reminisce with.

Some examples of music that spawns memories for me:

Bubba Sparxxx's album Deliverance for example reminds me of living in Knoxville, Tennessee. I would pop in this CD in the morning on my way to work and while I was driving around town. Southern music for a southern town. I miss my time in Knoxville.

Ozma's "Bad Dogs" reminds me of one of the days in my life where I felt most vulnerable, the day I was moving to the oh-so-foreign Detroit. Driving through the driving snow in the near pitch-black of northern Ohio and southern Michigan, this song came on and I just screamed it louder than anything I've ever sung before.

The Counting Crows' "Another Horsedreamer's Blues" and "Baby, I'm A Big Star Now" remind me of an ex-girlfriend. Fitting that those two songs are so tied together for me (I can't hear one without immediately needing to hear the other) as one song was her favorite, the other mine. They're two somewhat sad songs which in a way mimic the regret I feel for the way things ended between the two of us (unfortunately, we're less than friends at this point), but also just remind me of the whole concept of two separate unique things becoming even an even better thing when paired together.

"Laughing Out Loud" by the Wallflowers reminds me of blasting demons. I left it in the CD drive when I played Hexen II, and now I can't hear that song without thinking of throwing a giant, lightning striking hammer at some flying imp. Odd, I know.

Of course "The White and Gold" and "Ramblin' Wreck" bring back fond memories of GT football games, but even further back the FSU War Chant does the same.

"Burnout" by Green Day reminds me of a close friend from middle school who fell into hard times in late high-school. Frighteningly appropriate.

"Vehicle" by The Ides of March reminds me of driving around the middle of nowhere near Kennesaw, Georgia, looking for some gigantic arcade which ended up being right next to the freaking interstate.

"Proper Propaganda" by The Dilated Peoples reminds me of riding on a packed train in Scotland, talking with two school teachers from Birmingham. I had my headphones on, listening to this song, staring out the window, when across from one of my fellow study-abroaders (horrible English, I apologize) sat down two young teachers. We must've talked to those girls for hours, and it almost felt like a dream. Before we knew it we all parted ways at a train station in Bristol.

"Amores Perros (Love Is A Bitch)" by Dover will forever remind me of strolling Las Ramblas in Barcelona, eating paella.

"I Want It That Way" by The Backstreet Boys will forever remind me of Zack Brown. We jam to that song on every single road trip we take, it's an absolute necessity.

Outkast's "Bombs Over Baghdad" reminds me of feeling alive, driving home from one particularly great date, feeling like I'd finally put it together and found a girlfriend.

"A New Friend" by The Good Life reminds me of just the opposite - a recent blown opportunity.

"Cease" by Bad Religion appropriately enough reminds me of the first person that I died on me while I was trying my hardest to keep him alive. I've never done CPR so vigorously in my life - I cracked clear through his sternum, 100 compressions per minute, and we just couldn't bring him back. "Everything must cease," indeed. I don't consider this a bad memory - it's a ridiculously important one. It helps to remind me that no matter how hard I try, you can't save everybody - but that I should never ever stop caring, that every person I lay a hand on and try to help out is important. That every single life I possibly can help I should do my absolute damnedest to help.

Sure, other things can bring back memories, but the strongest ones for me always have relied on attachment to music. Even visiting the actual locales themselves just doesn't bring back the sense of euphoria that hearing the first few seconds of a song tied to a fond memory brings me. The locales, people, and situations in my life are constantly changing, but my memories will hopefully be with me for a long time. And I'm always listening to new music and making new memories.

Here's to hoping I've got many more happy, good ones to create.

I Love Mean Girls

Well, they're not necessarily mean, but girls really do just drive me absolutely crazy sometimes. Even though it's been a year now since I started working in the emergency room, I find I still have trouble adjusting. One of the toughest things, honestly, to readjust to is the presence of women. Lots of women. Going to college for 4 years in a predominantly male environment followed by a brief career in engineering (where I worked with a whopping ZERO women) leaves me a bit out of touch with women. I think I'm charming and charismatic, but I forgot just how much word does travel at the workplace.

See, working in a hospital is akin to a high school. You've got your cliques, your different social standings, and of course, lots of people in the same boat as you. If anybody says or does anything unusual (either at or outside work) somehow almost everybody knows about it within a matter of time. Joe got fired? Within a day everybody knows why and how. Suzy kissed John? Everybody knows. While it does make the job interesting, it also gets really annoying when it's you involved (as I'm finding out now). Lack of personal privacy isn't something anybody wants. And when in the hell did my life get interesting enough for other people to care? Silly coworkers. If I don't get any further in my current endeavor, at least I got a few dates with a beautiful, fun nurse out of the deal. So that's hardly a loss. [Though I'm not planning on giving up just yet.]

Alexandria came down (very briefly) to help her family move all their stuff from their old house to their temporary rental house while their new one is being built. Although I only got to spend an hour or so with her (and boo to her lame-ass husband for not coming along, work or not!) it was fun. Elise dropped into town the weekend prior, and I got to spend some quality time with her, though THAT was too brief too. I really need to see her more before she heads up to Yale.

Fantastic Four was outstandingly mediocre. No real story to speak of, but it was very pretty. Catch it in the cheap theaters. It was a decent popcorn movie, a good way to waste an empty afternoon, but not worth paying serious cash to see.

A truck load of new nurse techs have been hired at work, and apparently I've been thrust into a "teacher" role. It seems whenever I've done a procedure recently, whether it be a splint, drawing blood cultures, or small things like applying tube-gauze to a sutured finger, I've had an audience. I took 4 people up to the helipad the other day. It's just odd to see all these young 19 and 20-year-old techs running around and them ask me questions about all sorts of stuff. Sunday we had 15 techs at work, though only maybe 5 are properly trained to do everything an ER NT is able to do, so the rest of them are glorified stockers/transporters. 15 was too many people. 5-6 less would've been ideal.

I've started reading the new Harry Potter book and I enjoy it so far. Haven't read enough yet.

Chemistry and Biology classes are going well as I could hope. School will be over in a couple of weeks and I'll start up another monstrous murderer's row stretch of work - something like 20 out of 23 days. Should be fun. Maybe I'll throw a 24-hour shift in there.

Emulation on the PSP is amazing. Mike Tyson's Punch-Out! is still one of the best time-wasters of all time.

Not a lot left to say here. All the juicy details have been left out because I don't really feel like typing them out, but you can get the general idea. Life's going well, and I like to just sit back and think of the fact that one year from now I'll have my MCAT score and a decent idea as to what kind of medical school I can get into (if at all).

And congrats to everybody starting new forms of education in the fall:
Laura's going to Wake's divinity school, Elise to Yale's psychology program, and Amanda C's admission to Penn. Good job, kids. I wish you ALL the best of luck.